Why Android Oatmeal should be the name of the next update

Our little Android robot buddy has been pigging out for years, snacking on the likes of lollipops, marshmallows, KitKat and more. And while it has recently discovered fancier desserts, like nougat, it’s time for an intervention.

Android O is an opportunity to turn a new leaf, to eat healthier, to stand for something that does the body good (and is devilishly tasty with a bit of brown sugar and cinnamon mixed in, too). It’s time to eat opt for something that gives you energy, not sap it. Oatmeal.

Android Oatmeal would be the perfect name for Google’s next mobile operating system for the many reasons listed below, but none more important than the fact that it will help the Android escape the inevitability of diabetes as it makes its way to the letter Z.

Oatmeal is unexpected

Google has had a bit of fun teasing out the possible names for Android O. And given the company’s use of KitKat in the past, many expected (and still expect) adopting Oreo, a trademarked product, to be the most likely candidate.

However, some others have slid onto the scene recently. Octopus? It’s not even a dessert, but it gets clever points for the the eight (8.0) appendages. Orangina? I was convinced earlier in the week that this would be the name after seeing it pop up around the web. This, too, would be a sweet and unexpected choice, but it’s still not the right choice.

But oatmeal, OATMEAL! Like the Spanish Inquisition, no one is expecting it. By itself, oatmeal might be the opposite of sweet, but it’s an incredibly versatile (and nutritionally vital) food that can be spruced up with a bit of sugar or sweetening syrup.

Oatmeal sets a precedent

In the past, our Android robo friend has been a promoter of sugar-dense snacks and for good reason: they’re delicious. But in the interest of self-improvement, it’s time to stymie the sugar drip. After all, we’re about halfway to Z and we want to see the Android make it to end. (…already trying to think of a snack that starts with Z).

Like the Spanish Inquisition, no one is expecting it.

Today’s world is more conscious to healthy living than ever. There’s still room for sweets, but substituting that soda for a veggie smoothie and that donut for, say, oatmeal, is an increasingly popular move, according to an internal survey of…one person.

Naming Android O as “Oatmeal” would be a fresh start to the operating system, just like it’s a fresh start to any day and an integral part of a healthy, balanced breakfast.

Oatmeal is tasty

This is the core requirement for the Android OS naming convention. It has to taste good. Come to think of it, I’ve actually never tried nougat, but I’ll ponder what it tastes while eating this steaming bowl of steel cut oats.

Sure, I’ll gladly eat an Oreo or a piece of fried calamari, but oatmeal…now that’s something special. The glorious, guilt-free snack is the key to a refreshed body, mind and operating system.

I realize that Google could opt for Oatmeal Cookie as the name for Android O, given its inclination to cling to sugar. But that’s a bit of a mouthful, isn’t it?

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